Oh, no! This Isn't Heaven?!
A G E N D A
Welcome.................................Apollyon
Roll Call...................................Azkeel
Roast Festivities..........................Satan
Welcome! I hope you enjoyed your stay on earth. Step right up, don't be afraid, this is your one-way ticket to hell. No, you didn't need a reservation, you have already been judged accordingly. No need to have bottled waters, food, coffee or tea mug, silverware, or even multiple change of clothing. No need for jewelry, make-up, hair accessories, shoes, laptop, blackberry, netbook, pagers, IPads, flash drives, resumes, portfolios, ID cards or the like. They won't be needed. The type of job you held...doesn't matter. What's that? No. The make, model and year of the car you drove...doesn't matter. I'm sorry,how many? No. The number of degrees you possess...still doesn't matter. You had the largest house on the block, you say...it really doesn't matter. This is your home now. Yes, it's dark and gloomy; and quite noisy, but you'll be too busy screaming to notice.
Oh, in addition, no singing, dancing, eating, drinking, laughing, smiling, playing, clapping, reading, praying, repenting, or talking is never ever allowed. In other words, no good times are had in hell, just a pure weeping, agonizing, torturous, good-old-fashion hot time. Any questions? What's that? Sorry, as previously stated, there is no drinking in hell, and yes, that does include alcohol! A little louder, please. Darling, I'm terribly sorry. There are no exit signs, just entrance signs, for those who get a little lost along the way. We like to guide them in promptly. Why isn't your neighbor here? Obviously, they did the right thing and have been awarded eternal life with Christ. Next, please. No, we don't have air-conditioning. You have how much money in the bank? Wow! Impressive. However, you can't buy your way out of hell and we don't want cash, major credit cards, check cards, debit cards, check books, money orders, or money grams, just your soul. Are there any more questions? None...in that case enjoy your stay!
Next we will have roll-call. Thieves, if you would kindly take the exit to your far right. And please don't touch anything on the way down. Murderers if you would kindly follow...where is he? Oh, there you are, Cain. If you kindly follow Cain toward the door on your far left, he'll guide you from there. Fornicators, hmm, is there enough room for you? Let's have the males to the left and the females over to the right. Now, males if you would kindly enter the door that reads Solomon and females if you would kindly enter the door that reads Jezebel. No pushing or shoving please. Child molesters...hmm, let's put you with the murderers. Okay, play nicely. Let's see, people who are evil for no apparent reason...no, you can't repent now, this is it and our Q&A session is over. Hum, just jump into the "lake of fire" for now, until I can decide what to do with you. Okay, now Atheists the favorite ones of all in hell, you have been assigned to room 666, I'm sure you already know the way.
Last but not least, those of you who assumed you were going to heaven because you were good, please step forward. You should now have a clear understanding that being good doesn't get you into heaven. Now, if you would please board the train with Adolf he will take you to your final destination. For those Christians and God's elect who were deceived and took the mark of the beast, you will enjoy the roast first. And I believe that's everybody. So, let's begin. Oh! I almost forgot. Lawyers, judges, tax collectors, and members of Congress please return to this same location at 6:06, thank you. And members of the Bilderberg Group, the Council on Foreign Affairs, CIA and the FBI...well--you know on second thought--why don't I just group you with the murderers. Okay, now we're ready to begin. Those who took the mark of the beast you're up first!
Hell is described in the Bible as "the lake or furnace of fire" But for an Atheist, perhaps hell doesn't even exist, for others there is not enough scientific evidence to back up the claim. However, for a believer in Christ, hell is very much real, and a place where most Christians do not want to spend eternal life. For they fear and take heed to the wailing and gnashing of teeth as described in Matthew 13:50 in the King James Version Bible. But how many Christians will, in fact, find themselves in hell? Only our Father in heaven has the answer to that question. And no one gets to the Father without going through his Son, Jesus Christ. How many Christians will find themselves deceived and take the mark of the beast? We don't know, but we can only assume that it will be many.
We do know that a major ingredient to salvation is to keep the commandments; thus, studying and believing in the Word of God, and believing that his Son died for our sins and rose from the dead. We also know the second death towards eternal salvation is also based on your good deeds, not just being good. We do know that the flesh is week; therefore, praying and repenting for all of your sins both known and unknown, is another ingredient for eternal salvation. It's never too late to have a relationship with Christ and having your name written in the Book of Life.
Folks, it doesn't get any better than that!
Folks, it doesn't get any better than that!
John 14:1-4 states, "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know."
